i want to swaddle you in tequila
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
