Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
