You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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