Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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