Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
