i just made my gag reflex go away.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
