I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
