So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
