RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
