i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
