I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
