I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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