I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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