You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize