she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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