Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
