barbara walters just said penis...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize