Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(+81): View more from

Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me

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(631): View more from New York

i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not

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(360): View more from Washington

Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.

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(425): View more from Washington

It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.

(425): View more from Washington

Not including when spray tanning

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that

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(501): View more from Arkansas

If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...

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(770): View more from Georgia

I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

And then he peed in my hair

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