Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
