I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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