guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
this will be a night to untag.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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