Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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