I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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