Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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