i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Randomize
