I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
