I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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