Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
