I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
