i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
