her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
