Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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