I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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