Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
