I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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