He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
