My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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