he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
