All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize