I am puke
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
you made out with another girl for some wings
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
