there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
