So drunk its hurt
I'm going to jail i love you
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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