im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
