I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
