Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
