ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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