Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
