i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
