I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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