Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
