We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
