I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
