you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
