I can tuck mytits in my pants
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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