I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
