apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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