Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Farmville is her only friend.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
