I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize