He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
