I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
