Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize