I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
