Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
