Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize