that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
