Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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