she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize