I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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