guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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