we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
