just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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