dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
