I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize