Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
