It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
