What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize