Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
